Abuser's want total control over you. If they can't have you, they may try to destroy you in every way possible, or take your life. These protection tips are to help you get through this difficult season in your life, while you prepare to move on to a healthy future.
Please remember that this is not the time to demand respect, or your rights. That is not a language abuser's speak. Your goal is to get you, and your kids out safely. So while you keep your abuser happy, quietly prepare, plan ahead and be safe.
Know your abuser's triggers, the things that set off a domestic violence situation. You may be able to recognize the triggers as you read through your journal of abuse. Some triggers can be caused by hunger, not enough rest, stress, drinking... You have to figure out what it is that sets your abuser off.
The best defense is a good offense. Here are some more protection tips while surviving domestic violence:
- When you know what sets off your abuser, you can plan ahead to avoid the triggers that set off domestic violence situations as much as possible.
- Have food ready when your abuser arrives home.
- Make your environment as relaxing as possible when your abuser is tired.
- Don't talk about serious things when you know your abuser is stressed.
- If your abuser drinks, make sure you don't get drunk. You need to be able to think clearly at all times.
- If your abuser gets upset at home, send the kids outside, or to a room that they can escape from - through a window, if needed.
- Stay in an open area of the house where you won't get cornered.
- Stay away from the kitchen, bedroom, or any other part of the house where there might be weapons.
- Stay calm, and don't let your emotions take control. You need to be mentally in control and defuse the situation.
- Your abuser wants control. Let your abuser feel they have control by offering to take care of what has upset them.
Remind yourself that this is a temporary situation.
Protection Tips in the car
Domestic violence situations don't just happen in the house. These situations can happen in a vehicle just as easily. A vehicle can be used as a weapon, even with all parties on board . If your abuser is behind the wheel, this is not the time to talk about serious issues, or things that are upsetting you. Keep travel time fun and relaxing. If your abuser goes into a rage while in control of your vehicle, it could be deadly. Drive whenever possible.
Things can be replaced, or retrieved with a police escort later... you are irreplaceable!! Be safe.
If it isn't noticeable and you can safely do it, move your most precious items out of reach and replace them with things your abuser likes, or things that you don't care as much about. If you can move your most precious items out of the house without drawing attention, that is even better.
Overall, time will heal the negative words said about you. Time won't heal the legal damage done if you are arrested and end up with a criminal record. Do your best to live above reproach... meaning try not to do anything that anyone could accuse you of. You need to think about your future and the future of your kids.
Only fight back if your life depends on it. You have several options for self defense. Fighting back in an intimate relationship should be a very last resort, as it will immediately raise the level of violence directed at you throughout the length of the relationship.